bitching~

im experiencing a burnout. a fucking burnout.

i know most people require ego boosters. good. fine with me. in fact, go ahead. but. you'll have to fucking stop when it includes dragging my ego down. i respect you so i demand that you fucking respect me too. duh. i draw borderlines because i feel uncomfortable beyond that. but its said im conservative? hah! TALKING about sex and requesting to HAVE it are two bloody different stories. you utterly showed me just how low you actually think i am without even realizing it! you know what? that's bloody magnificent!

oh and, you know, i'm not as STUPID as you apparently think i am. just because i don't read ecchi / harem / whatever manga or play eroges does not mean i'm any dumber than you. i know about my fucking connection. i know about download managers so just shut the fuck up about it. what? xDownloader? did u really, seriously and honestly think i didn't know what's that? there's a fucking "DOWNLOADER" in the name so what else can it be? fucking retard. you, are in fact, much more fucking stupid than you ever thought me to be. i know my bloody terms. and i know bout some things. just that i don't bother to talk bout it. what's so fun about discussing about sex with me all the time? seriously. fuck you. fuck off. i don't need your "DEEEEEEEP" observations for shows. like i can't figure it out for myself. i'm passive to it because i want to. and i'll fucking be passionate when i want to. who the fuck are you to tell me what to think?

i admit that i randomly spurt bullshit to scare the hell out of people. i'll give you support, and advise but only as long as you actually fucking listen to it. why do I have to feel GRATEFUL that YOU'RE deciding to change your life? i've already said my part. again. and again. and again. and what's the best thing you could do? right. have kinky sessions in front of me! FUCK THAT. i lost an actual whole night's worth of sleep because of that. yes i held it alllllll in. FUCKING EVERYTHING. lately, im losing control of my own emotions because well, i was bottling them up. a good idea i'd say, when there's no one around you who actually fucking listens to your problem. i know people love talking about themselves. who doesn't? ego, people, ego! i know you're a good person at heart. ALMOST everyone's a good person at heart. there's even a tag called "Jerk with a heart of gold" (love, Ragna) in TV Tropes so what the fuck is wrong?

when i say "nice", i don't mean every single part of you. i never ever meant "nice" as an overall statement. it's specific to certain parts only. as i've said, i'll shower you with support but remember, i'm human too. i can go astray. i can stray from my promise. i've looked out for you. i've tried. but you know what? it's always failed because you fucking love to play with fire. since you've already said that, i'm not going to repeat whatever opinions i had anymore. instead, i'll laugh, sneer and brush your opinions off like you did for mine. right, im an insecure bitch to have built up that sorta defense but hey, survival's survival.
i dont wanna end up losing my sanity or complete control over my temper just because of ONE person. i've been lashing out at others already just because my thoughts were occupied with HOW THE FUCK DO I GET YOU TO STOP doing whatever crap you're doing. this is unnecessary. it was necessary back then when i thought you really needed it but now, no.

so, im just gonna sit back. and LAUGH. support? you want support? come and fucking earn it. i ain't giving it for free anymore.