For one, I wished to contact a childhood friend. Little did I know he was overly fascinated with me and wouldn't stop calling every day. He had a bit of mental problems, God knows what it's called. I'm not being sarcastic here, he really does have them. But that doesn't entitle him to keep asking me "Eh, how come you no go school?" every single time he makes a blasted phone call. I lost count of how many times I've already told him that I'm done with school. As if that doesn't annoy me enough, he kept pestering me to recall all the events that happened like what, nine years ago? He asked things like "How come that day, I call you, but you ignore me and just go through the door?". Dude, how the hell am I supposed to remember that? During the first phone call itself, he asked me that more than FIVE times in the span of forty minutes. And he used to call me on a daily basis. Well, so naturally, I'm agitated most of the time around that period.
Ever heard of cases where god-brothers fall for their god-sister? Yes, it has happened more than a few times. And it's horrifying. I do not wish to go into detail but it's awfully terrifying to have someone who used to be so close to you act all differently. Oh, and shooting longing looks do not help too. I've kept my distance ever since the first case that happened but there was a second case all along. I suspected something but never said anything until the world begun to point it all out. As if I never knew it. As if that's not enough, there's always someone trying to play cupid to get me and him together. If I liked him too, I would've gone ahead to confess but no, I DON'T like him. Sadly, the cupids do not give up and start playing mindfucking tricks. They start to try brainwashing me just for HIS happiness. What about mine? Oh, they BELIEVE I'll be happy with him. Happy my ass. I'll never be happy with an asshole like him. He scared the hell out of me. Even after I rejected him, he still continued to pursue me. There was a time where he pissed me off so much, I demanded to switch places with my brother in the cinema. What happened after that? The bugger came out of the cinema as if his mum died or something. I hate persistent people. Don't give me any of that "Don't give up!" shit. I'll have you regret saying that. If the girl doesn't want it, don't force it on her. This isn't shoujo manga, the world where 95% of the heroines are actually retards.
I do say that I don't want a boyfriend often but that's because all the guys around me are pure suckers. There are those who are good but no, they don't capture my interest. It's probably a result of deluding myself with all the fantasies, namely from the games I've played. Dating-sim to be exact. There's also the men from anime too. Yes, they aren't real but I rather devote myself to them than get a guy. I'm tired of idiocy. I long for someone who actually does pay attention. But I don't want just anyone. If he's going to be my partner, he might as well be handsome. I'm being a hypocrite when I say that "It's the heart that matters". True, even I believed it for a span of time but it soon changed after I had a few guys. The concept I currently have now is, if I'm to snag someone to love me, I want the best. It's a selfish thing for me to say but hey, I'm done with being nice.
When I'm nice, all people do is walk all over me. Not that I actually comply to their bidding but seriously, fuck them. Yeah, not everyone's a mean bitch but how often do you find good friends? I have a friend who actually treats me like a god damned dog! I found out few days ago when she suddenly said "Bad Sandra! Bad Sandra!". Dude, that's how you talk to a DOG. Why did she say that? Because I refused to explain the storyline of the show she was currently watching. How did she find that show? She spotted one of the characters and decided that he looked really hot so she went ahead to watch it. Without even reading the summary of the entire series. I'm offended by the fact that she does not actually care about the story. There's more to the show than just the guys. It's an extremely cliche show but the mood's still nice. So why splurge the attention on the guys instead of the show? Oh, and focusing on the guys alone also serves as an insult to the mangaka's works. Every mangaka puts effort into the stories they're making. It's bullshit if they don't.
Every single person will come to love their own creations, no matter how awful it is the others. There's that feeling of pride brimming in themselves every time they create something. I myself feel the same but I also have no qualms of tearing up my half completed works. I love my works very much, I really, really adore them. But when I start to think of the awful words of the others, I instantly throw my pencil or pen down as if I have surrendered. It takes so much effort to bring myself to actually do something yet it's so easy for me to destroy it. I was working on a Ragnarok Online fanfic concerning the dead in the Somatology Lab but I gave up after figuring out that I'm useless in writing an actual story. All I can do is sit there and spew useless ideas. When I draw, I know very well that an error will occur. I try to seek that error but in the end, the error only turns up after I'm done outlining. My incomplete works consist of lines, lines, nothing more but lines. Very, very rough sketches if I had to actually name it. There's just that feeling of happiness every time I create something but it seems that my interest does not hold me down long enough to actually complete it all. Perhaps the happiness that occurs from creating actually mirrors my true personality of always wanting to be dominant. However, if my work is analysed, it's clear that I would be a half-assed leader. I do not have the responsibility to do something. I'm a slow thinker and so on. I'm pretty lazy too, mind you.
Ah... There's no definite conclusion to this. Nothing will change if I do not take the first step myself.
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